Thousands of people across the internet are cringing today at a viral Craigslist ad from "Gordon," a 56-year-old divorcé who wants a young woman to go to Coachella with him and fulfill all of his quasi-sexual, extremely specific desires. The post, which has since been deleted, was shared on the Los Angeles message board. If it seems normal to you at first, keep reading.

It would be less suspicious if he were making meth in there.

COACHELLA VIP WEEKEND 1 PASS: free for the right person

Ok here’s the deal. I have a VIP Pass for Weekend 2. I’m willing to give it away for free to the right person. I’m looking for a travel “companion” that can enjoy the festival with me and just have a good time. I left my job as Supervising Manager at Soup Plantation and subsequently divorced my wife of 11 years. I cashed out my 401k and decided that moving forward, my life is all about having fun! No more team meetings, no more employee evaluations, no more balance sheets, no more darn conference calls at 7am. JUST FUN! I have a room at the Tropics Motor Motel in Indio Thursday through Monday. If you believe you can meet the below criteria, please shoot me an email and describe why you think you make the best fit. I appreciate your time and look forward to finding the right “one”!

1. Must be female between the ages of 19 and 25

2. Must be comfortable traveling in a Recreational Vehicle (Vintage Shasta Chinook 3100 – pic attached).

3. Must have fashionable sense of style in the vein of typical coachella goer (i.e. cute indian headband, small ripped jean shorts, lots of colorful bracelets, etc).

4. Preferably have a playlist of various Coachella artists on phone we can listen to on ride over.

5. Must keep hands and feet moisturized at all times.

6. Must be open-minded and opportunistic.

7. Must be ok with periodic hand-holding (perhaps during certain sensual songs and while walking into the festival initially).

8. Fingernails and Toenails must be nicely painted and harmonious with general color scheme of outfit.

9. I will provide snacks such as beef jerky and peanut butter sandwiches but if you have additional snacks and/or drinks…BIG BONUS!

10. Being social is fine but no excessive fraternizing with other male festival-goers, and most definitely NO PUBLIC AFFECTION with other festival-goers (violation of this rule results in immediate removal of Tropic Motor Motel room privileges and maybe even return ride).

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